Shadows

So, I’ve got this shadow. It follows me everywhere I go throughout the day, except when it goes home to the worlds darker places. At first glance, my shadow resembles me. It has the general shape of my body and seems to make every move I do without missing a toe tap. It crouches, jumps, skateboards, and blinks it’s left eye exactly as I do.

But this shadow is not me. In fact, it is the polar opposite of me.

My shadow is a coward. Always hiding from the light, never to be seen by the warm rays of the sun. It’s never there to comfort me when I’m surrounded by darkness and if anything, it joins the darkness in scaring me. It abandons me every single night and goes off to play in the moonlight with it’s shadowy friends. It’s entire existence is geared towards making sure that no matter where I go, there is a certain amount of blackened space connected to me.

Most people are so busy worrying about their everyday problems that they don’t even realize they have a shadow. While I am disgustingly aware of mine. To me it exists to remind me of the darker times in my life. Like a little external hard drive full of wrong doings, pain, and ignorance. It’s constantly telling me,”Remember man, you’re a bad person”.

But for the past few weeks I’ve been conscious in the world. Conscious enough to try and put a meaning behind something as simple as my f***ing shadow hahaha. I’ve found myself smiling consistently and laughing at every turn. Taking action to better myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. And ya know what? It’s working. I’m as happy and loving as I could hope to be right now. My days are continually getting brighter and my shadow bothers me less and less as each moment passes. Actually, I think I’ve found a little bit of peace with it. I don’t ever want to forget how bad things got for me (really I should say,”how bad I made things for myself.”) And in a peculiar way, I’m kind of delighted by the fact that no matter where I go, I’ll always have something to remind me of where I came from.

So the next time I’m standing on top of a mountain in the snow or hanging off a swaying super structure in the middle of the ocean, I can look down at my shadow and realize just how much I’ve progressed.

Funny…I think I just made a friend out of an enemy. Even if it is just my shadow. ; )

Adam-1. Opposition-0.

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2 thoughts on “Shadows

  1. This is incredible, great to read this after spending the weekend with you in Yosemite! Give your shadow some love, you’re an awesome being! Except every part of your being and you will find your greatest comfort! Keep the writing up Duzey, I really enjoyed this!

    • Thanks Misty! I’m glad we got to kick it in such a beautiful environment all weekend. But the cool thing is that even if we were in the heart of Skid Row, I know we’d be all smiles hahaha. You’re awesome and I’m grateful for your awesome attitude.

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